


Walls

by Fridoline



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Guilt, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Spoilers, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fridoline/pseuds/Fridoline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertholdt always has to remind Reiner that he is not a Soldier. Repeatedly. He is forced to pull him back into his true self every single time. It makes him think about why he has to do this hurtful thing and why there is no other choice.<br/>Bertl's POV; implied M/M</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EmmaGG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaGG/gifts).



I see the warrior fighting the soldier in you everytime I cast my eyes on you. Sometimes the soldier manages to take over, then I have to remind you of what you really are. And I hate myself as much as you hate yourself when you remember. I _have_ to remind you and I grow weary of it. And I hate that I grow weary of it, because I feel myself wishing I could just stop hurting you but I can't forget our objective, the mission we have to accomplish.

It hurts that you are a _great_ soldier. It hurts that you are able to look at me with such gentle, warm eyes. It hurts that we cannot have that life and it hurts that we are still yearning for it. The torments of your guilt and self-hatred and my cowardice and weakness are supposed to keep us on our path. We cannot affort to throw them away. They are as much part of us as our limbs and no matter how much you try to cut them off, they'll just grow back. You cannot get rid of it that way, Reiner, stop this delusion that is just a perversion of who we really are. This pain is ours no matter what you do.

 

You keep building these protective walls around you and keep hiding behind them – that is _your_ cowardice.

I keep tearing them down, like Wall Maria on that day 5 years ago, and for me the pain I cause you is way worse than the annihilation of humanity – that is _my_ guilt.

You cannot withstand the bonds you have formed and the responsibility you have taken upon yourself – that is _your_ weakness.

Your love makes me feel lonelier than ever and I keep tormenting you because for once I dare not share that weakness of yours – that is _my_ self-hatred.

 

Those are the sacrifices we have made a long time ago. These are the sacrifices we must make once more. We have to accomplish our mission. We only need each other, no one else. We only _have_ each other. It's that simple.

 

We cannot follow that new path of yours. It leads into the opposite direction of where we're headed to and we cannot walk it together as I can't walk ours alone.

 

Let us tear down the walls together again.

 

One last time.


End file.
